On CCA’s closing: what we owe each other now

For a business whose purpose is teaching and creativity, I wish CCA had shown us it could also continue to learn.

Two weeks ago on January 13, the California College of the Arts (née and Crafts) announced it will be closing after nearly 120 years. The news broke simultaneously for faculty, alums, students, staff, and the press. There was no heads up or forewarning; days were occupied with collective stress, surprise, sadness, and anger. It was a textbook (wink) example of how not to communicate critical and consequential information — and a huge missed opportunity to reassure current students that they could complete what they started, and had made the right decision. As faculty, we unexpectedly needed to make space in our classrooms to process all this; the semester started a week later. Much of the community is still reeling.

A few other missteps compounded the initial shock: SF Mayor Lurie’s original Instagram post made no mention of CCA and instead celebrated its new owner, Vanderbilt University — despite the painting behind him being made by a CCA alum. And Vanderbilt’s press release promises they’ll be “cultivating visionary creators and inventive thinkers who are prepared to make a difference in the Bay Area and beyond” — precisely the community that CCA is already comprised of. Since Vanderbilt seeks “designers whose work bridges creative expression and technological innovation… with real-world impact,” perhaps they might start by engaging with the people who’ve been here, doing exactly this work, for decades. Nobody I know has heard from anyone there. Yet.

I’ve taught for nearly 30 years, and CCA has been a professional home of mine for nearly a decade — a smidgen of the time compared to folks who have taught there 20, 30, and 40 years. I started as a guest lecturer, moved to adjunct, and Chaired the Master of Interaction Design (MDes) program for 4.5 years before returning to the classroom as associate professor. Along the way, I saw the inner workings of programs and operating budgets that didn’t budge even when enrollment doubled. I spun up cross-program workshops and events and introduced new electives because it was important to do so. I co-facilitated an all-grad hackathon with Google that resulted in cash prizes plus a visit to the Googleplex to present student ideas to leadership. I hosted several alumni reunions with Q&A for current and prospective students, hosted Bay Area design community events during SF Design Week (including from the stellar [and former CCA Board member] Maria Giudice), hosted pre-program luncheons and social hours and faculty dinners. (Unexpectedly, and on a somber note, I gathered faculty and students for a memorial service for a core faculty member. We miss you, Susan, especially now.) I partnered with CCA’s marketing team on updated videos and stories; identified an alum to create a new MDes program identity and rolled it out on swag. I partnered with Career Services (before they were shuttered) to bring in countless guest critics for portfolio reviews — though I had to scrounge for honoraria to acknowledge their time. I also taught, mentored, facilitated, listened, and facilitated some more. There were countless administrative meetings where spreadsheets pointed to other spreadsheets to track admissions. I reviewed hundreds and hundreds of applicant portfolios and reached out to dozens of admits to welcome them personally, to convert interested folks to enroll. I recruited 50 faculty over the years as Chair, and was absolutely thrilled to diversify the perspectives and voices in the curriculum when we were all teaching online and location didn’t matter — and experience mattered more. (I was radicalized by responding to this set of teaching and learning circumstances, and continue to believe that talent will live where talent is happiest.) And what’s more, through my recruiting practice, I’ve placed two MDes alums in full-time roles.

During the pandemic, I witnessed layoffs and reorgs, an ever-evolving definition of hybrid teaching, plus the introduction of new administrative systems that were handed to us without being tested. I authored multiple transition scenarios for an incoming Chair and/or Assistant Chair, and ran several recruiting and hiring processes for my successor. And still, I galvanized my faculty to orient our incoming (and final) president about the history and potential revenue streams of our program. The core faculty presented no fewer than 14 tested, proven ideas, interventions, and new initiatives — any one of which could have been tried and executed. Sadly, none were. Academia isn’t known for its ability to pivot swiftly, but this felt different. I came to realize that it had been stuck for a long time — even well before my efforts.

Throughout it all, I’ve experienced an imbalance between the people administering the work and the people doing the work. CCA felt both top-heavy and silo’d. I rejected the nomenclature of “divisions” — e.g., Design, Architecture, Fine Arts. There was no initiative to think across the literal divide, no support to offer what worked in one program and share it with another. Once, in an all-faculty meeting, I stood up and wondered aloud how we might share a database of successful lecturers, critics, and alums, so we could recommend folks that we trusted. Back in February 2020, in my Chair interview with the then-Provost, I wondered aloud (again) what a non place-based CCA education might look like. “That’s a good question,” I heard. You already know no changes occurred.

The biggest disconnect — still an opportunity, really — was between how and where students wanted to learn, how and where faculty could teach, and how and where the administration thought things needed to happen. Despite leading what turned out to be one of the most profitable grad programs through years of unprecedented change, I experienced, yet again, one of the throughlines in my career: being told, verbatim, “that’s not how we do things around here.”

Hold up, wait a minute. Shouldn’t a college of creativity be continually willing to reimagine how things are done? Especially one that literally teaches business model innovation and impact?

For a community of 300+ faculty, critics, guest lecturers, authors, successful alums, and serial entrepreneurs — many of whom have given decades of their energy, expertise, compassion, and care to the institution, and many of whom have deep roots in the Bay Area, all over California, and well beyond — I’m flummoxed that we were never as deeply involved as we could have been in helping the business of the college become more sustainable, more relevant, and genuinely innovative. Outside consultants were brought in at considerable expense to analyze our competitive landscape and assess profit and loss statements (with a level of granularity that would have been valuable to access as a Chair). And yet, nothing changed — or it changed too slowly.

What now

Here’s what I know: the teaching and learning community — faculty, students, critics, practitioners — still want and still need a container to teach and learn. To think and make and revise and think and make again. To build curriculum that reflects contemporary approaches to creativity, technology and AI and vibe coding, product and interaction and AR and VR design, architecture and fine arts — all the profound ways our work continues to show up in the world and make business and cultural impact. This is especially true in the Bay where the general vibe is towards more technology and not less.

I’d like to imagine a new teaching & learning container could be self-governing. Perhaps a cooperative model, or one with minimal overhead, so that the people doing the teaching also benefit meaningfully from the value they create. Something nimble enough to respond to how and where students want to learn and how and where practitioners want to teach. Something that honors the expertise and commitment that already exists within this community — rather than treating it as a resource to be managed or commodity to be swapped out.

The work of building something new is substantial — I don’t underestimate that. But this community has already proven it can create meaningful learning experiences, launch careers, foster meaningful innovation, and maintain relationships that span decades. We’ve been doing the hard part: we know what great teaching and learning looks like, we know how to support each other, and we care deeply about this work.

The closure of CCA is a loss to the Bay and beyond. Others wrote about this beautifully. But the community — the relationships, the knowledge, the commitment to teaching and learning — that will not end.

So it feels like a phoenix from the ashes moment to (re)build something that more truly reflects our values: accessible, sustainable, responsive, and deeply rooted in the expertise of the people who show up to do the work.

What we need now is to gather and talk about what we wish to build next. To pool our collective knowledge about sustainable business models, curriculum design, student support and post-program job placement, mentorship, and community building. To view CCA’s closure as a long, important chapter in the culture, and see what we can co-create that’s more resilient. I have ideas, and I’m sure you do, too.

For the higher ed community: I’m grateful so many folks have reached out to me and to each other — a collective loss can have buoying effects. However, given the broader macroeconomic and political conditions in the US right now, plus the ~15 year trend of declining international enrollment, plus complications stemming from obtaining US visas… and following the closure of Mills College and SFAI in the Bay, UArts in Philly… there may be a few interventions I might offer colleagues at Otis, CMU, SCAD, RISD, and elsewhere. If there’s anything I can help you strategize or stave off, please reach out.

For the CCA community: Please stay connected through LinkedIn (not ideal, I know, but it’s where most of us already are). Share updates, opportunities, and ideas. Keep the conversation going there, for now.

For the MDes community: Please self-organize and identify volunteer representatives from each of our 11 Cohorts who will reach out to their fellow cohort-mates. If you’re willing to keep your cohort connected to each other, please step forward and reach out to me. This is how we maintain the network we’ll keep building together.

And here’s something concrete: In mid-August, when the MDes program officially closes, we’re not having a funeral. We’re throwing a block party. A celebration of what we built, the people we are, and the community that will persist beyond any institution. More details to come.

We owe each other this conversation and celebration.

We owe our students and alums this possibility.

Let’s figure out what comes next — together. 🙏

New set

What will the rain sound like at the new place?

A new set of conditions manifest before me: a new apartment in North Oakland, and the blank slate of a new configuration of where I live. New smells and sounds and patterns. Some new furniture, definitely new shelves and new rugs, with old paint colors I’ve loved placed on new walls.

This is the first time I’ve had a place to live on my own since I left my home in Providence, RI, in January 2014. I loved that apartment and deeply appreciated the sovereignty I had (in the autonomy sense of the word) of my life and my space. Chalk it up to being a designer, being tidy, knowing where everything is because that’s where it goes.

Nearly twelve years and nine moves later — between four cities and on two coasts — it’s time for that again.

A visual and spiritual reset — called in at this new time. I’ll be 54 in less than a month. I’m energized and I know my fuel sources.

A total conflation — along with newfound strength and clarity and focus.

I’m more compelled by the work I’m building than I have been since my first business, which I started when I was 24. I’m diving in like thirty years haven’t passed.

But before I dive into all that: a re-architecture of living, and then a big rest on a small island in the biggest ocean.

Then we go.

When I die…

…I hope that I truly made impact within the lives of people that I love.

That the people that I love (many of whom, let’s face it, also love me) were able to love and express themselves in the world more deeply, to feel more expansively, share more fiercely and freely, show up more authentically and, truly, I hope that my intersection with their lives and journeys increased their capacity for all of that by any degree.

That they were emboldened by my bold face. By my own emotional, physical, and sapiosexually thirsty and luscious self.

The water runs through it. Here; sip.

I hope that when I die I can know — in the many ways of knowing that are not intellectual — that I was helpful, that I made possible things that were previously deemed impossible, written off, downright dismissed.

That my ripples rippled. My conviction and belief in their fortitude gave them more ’tude!

My purpose has absolutely been to help others discover their purpose. I delight in seeing what others don’t and can’t see, then showing it to them. Making it possible and helping them get there. My why might be seen as the ability to ask why, and also why not.

To see around corners. To embrace the spark and share it.

Here, hold it. You light the way now.

It’s all quite fundamental: unpacking why not leads to why.

Yes; let’s. Why not.

I Am Here.

Alive. Can recognize being here. Feel SHAMAZING. Like I got sunshine comin’ out my butt.

I’m ok with it all — except the macro conditions of the two-headed coin, the ballroom vs the SNAP program, the airport chaos, the longest shutdown — against it all, aware of it all, can see their moves and want none of it nor want to pay it any mind.

It is pure evil, selfish, hoarding, the world’s first trillionaire — may they burn alive in the trash fire of their terrifying, gaudy, plastic aesthetics, and choke forever in its fumes.

I’m out here resisting in my own ways — zigging against the zag — supporting and mentoring and holding a million ideas that support my own and others pursuits. It’s all teaching and learning and sharing. It’s building, planting, shining a light, opening pathways. It’s community. Peer to peer to peer like a triangle. A stable shape. Its own symbol of resistance, co-opted. It’s how we pull outselves out of this mess. Not the way we got here, but a new, nurturing, hopeful, aware, socialized, equity-adjacent or co-op friendly future. AND! We have MAMDANI IN THE HOUSE.I cried for a week or weeks leading up to Tuesday. May the ancestors and theirs keep him safe. He represents such hope to so many. A record breaking number of NYers came out to vote. Like SHIT! It’s TIME! And that cyber fail and this leader who got booed today. It’s all so CLEAR.

Two choices: for few, or for all.

The thing that I cannot fathom is — what do you do with it all? What can’t you buy? An election? Did that. A country? Probably. A faction? Votes? What’s the end goal? You can’t take it with you — you can’t find happiness or satisfaction down that route.

True love is gained in your giving, I wrote, probably in the early 90s [nope, a decade later, and it was “wisdom,” not love], even before I knew how much I knew.

It’s taken me half my life to arrive. In my body. My capacity. In my truth. I’ve noticed the strength and clarity — as well as the calmness of certainty. It’s not showy — it’s even and rational. It doesn’t require convincing others — it more simply is.

Last night in Boulder Creek — haircut tomorrow, dinner with Ari, letting them know, measurements for the new config, work and parties and it’s all happening.

Prayer

May the universe and powers I cannot see

grant me the inner peace and security

along with my blood and chosen family

and loves across many a community

(who understand this is all temporary)

to survive this impending calamity

and to discover by any means necessary

how to claim and hold fast to prosperity 🙏

First Month back in Oakland

Today marks one month since my partner and I returned to Oakland, CA, to the Redwood Heights neighborhood, in a lovely ranch-style home that I previously lived in back in 2015. Since then, the backyard garden has grown tremendously: aloe and matilija (fried egg) poppy plants are taller than me, there’s a pomegranate tree, and a kumquat tree (which I rescued from the trash) has doubled in size and is starting to bloom. This morning I picked figs and apples. Later I’ll pick some cherry tomatoes and use them in a salad or an omelette — if they make it back to the kitchen. There are a few final zucchini. The space and the home feel familiar, so our California re-emergence feels natural and has luckily been smooth.

Yes, it’s great to be back in the Bay for many reasons — for the first time since I accepted the role of Chair, I’m able to do the work in person. I’m on campus at least once a week, and love running into students in the café and casually advising them on their assignments of the day. I’m lunching with faculty and convening meetings and making introductions, all in person — in other words, building community.

As we drove across the country, seeing friends along the way who I knew from other parts of life and other cities we used to both live in, and even still met up in person with people I’d only met online, I realized we have (or can build) community everywhere. But it’s the concentration and intersection of all the communities we’re part of that brought us back to the Bay. The design and tech communities, the entrepreneur and startup and venture capital communities, the queer communities. My friend and colleague communities. And my chosen family, my godson, and my business partner and oldest dearest bestie — now in SoCal.

We rode out the peak of the pandemic in Philly. It’s a fantastic city — affordable, walkable, diverse, delicious, got its own culture, close to NYC, easy access to the Jersey Shore, and DC — and we loved getting to know it as much as we could. Given we were there during a time when most everyone was at home, building community was challenging. But we managed to make a few new friends who’ll be waiting for our return visits.

Sunny Sunday morning, French press with cardamom pod, almond horn

My mother is 77. Her near-constant pursuit of delight, delivered via baked goods, pastries, and cookies, is adorable. It possesses an unbounded glee from deep within childhood.

She has reintroduced me to the almond horn. As a kid it was never my favorite, but I bought one yesterday at an Italian bakery. In the assortment were pignoli and ricotta cookies, and torrone. While I’ve always loved torrone — softer is better, I’ve had braces twice — asking for the almond horn made me think of Mom.

As she is 77, I’ve been paying a lot more attention to things that bring her joy. For her birthday last month, I brought her favorite flower (hydrangea) in her favorite colors (blue and white), along with a bottle of St Germain, which she recently fell in love with.

And now I’d like to arrange, the next time we are together, an almond horn-off. Six or seven of them from local shops, blind tested, likely devoured over a day or two, and rated. We’ll go back to the source of the winning horn and share this story.

Mom will go back to New York with a box of the winners. She’ll freeze them and enjoy them for the next several years.


I take pleasure in grinding my own coffee beans — the aroma, the sound, the process, the adjusting of the grind for drip or French Press — and every so often I’ll pop in a cardamom pod into the grinder if I think those flavors will mesh well. I did so this morning with nearly the last of the dark roast (which means I’ll be picking up some more at the Farmers Market today).

I started drinking coffee my junior year of college. I was purely tea beforehand. (I still reach for both.) My alma mater was piloting a new major, Media Studies, from which I was the second to graduate (my friend Bill was the first). I was also an English minor, a work-study student in the Writing Center, and got the Dean to fund a critical culture zine, Mediahead.

Coffee helped my brain and I to start achieving more. I can’t say if all of a sudden there was a lot to do, or if coffee helped my mind and I snap into place and become more high-performing. There’s certainly a correlation.

After college, my coffee game was elevated even further, via my friend and roommate, Kirstin. She introduced me to the french press style of brewing. We would sip it super hot before dashing to catch the T into Boston, or pour some into our commuter mugs while reading a half-folded The New Yorker. Her homemade ceramic coffeemugs would sit half empty in the sink all day. If there was anything left in the press, maybe it got warmed in the microwave the next morning.

In my late 30s and well into my 40s, I could finish an entire 8-cup press myself in one sitting. These days I sip slower (though no less fervently), and I do own two 8-cup presses in case company wants.

Poem, August 20

Making the bed (a meditation)

tonight, we made it to tonight,

because we made what was unmade,

so many days now. mornings in order,

smoothed over with care, despite how

(over night) we wander. how ever much we

tuck into our restlessness, we fold ourselves

in together, back to back.

Poem (Superku), August 8

comes a hummingbird —
there! right! at the moment when
i felt most vulnerable;
two, possibly three seconds.

— human generosity
synchronized environments —

(the needy mind. traps itself.

how we view the world is based
on perception which is based
in the mind so each moment’s
filtered through this needy mind.)

“once one gets one’s mind and one’s
desires out of its way”
is what cage said about it.

and yet, and so, instantly (!)
releasing anxiety
transporting mind and body
— unexpected joy.